“11/23/2009, 11:33am EST”
Are y’all ready to party up in here!?
Awwwwww….
Gimme that Christian side hug / That Christian side hug
Gimme that Christian side hug / That Christian side hug
I’m a rough rider / Filled up with Christ’s love
Gimme that Christian side hug / That Christian side hug
These are the easy rules so pay attention, it’s essential
This ain’t no front hug zone. You ain’t that fly [indecipherable].
Stop. And listen. No front hugs and no kissin’.
I ain’t that scared to call your mama. You’ll be ridin’ home in a coma.
And there’s much, much more, including sirens and gunshots in the background. No “front hugs” allowed. Violence is cool though. You see, side hugging avoids the possibility of remote genital contact. These people have serious self-discipline issues. (h/t Jeremy and BuzzFeed)

Never leave home without it.